Have you ever felt that need inside of you to wake up? Have you ever had that dream in which it was so real to you, yet you were speaking to yourself about some understanding of the universe that you would only use to better your life?

I haven't.

I do not remember my dreams, nor do I even know I have slept except that I sit up and my eyes are blurry.... the time has changed... and my body is stiff.

I sleep in my mind, however. I am not so sure if they are the same, but I do the same thing with my mind and heart that I do with my body. I will randomly sit up and say "Wow... How much time has passed since the last time I sat back and closed my eyes?"

It is an interesting feeling to know that for the past week, my body has moved... I've spoken to people... I've been alive in the eyes of everyone... and yet, when I sit up in my mind, I am truly amazed at how much time has passed.

I have lost the entire year of 2007. I am not sure what happened to the month of January this year either. The last time I was awake, I stopped in the middle of the street and looked around, trying to remember where I was. I was in South Central, California. It was an interesting experience to wake up somewhere so different from where I fell asleep.

Have you ever fallen asleep out of boredom?

I have lived every lifestyle. I drank from the fountain of fortune, wandered the roads a vagabond looking for some place to call home, have had a home and lost it, had both love and lust, called upon spirits and the arcane, spoken to deities and desecrated their names in the same sentence, been both teacher and student, lived as both a man with a cause and a man without.... and many other lifestyles. I have sold myself for sex, been pussy whipped, betrayed those I care for, and stolen from those I don't know. I have enslaved the hearts of others, cast a morbid darkness into the lives of many whom seek the beauty of the night. I have been both peasant and king, hero and villain, hunter and hunted.

I have been both man and beast.

After all of this, I have seen only one truth. Roses eventually wither and die, love loses its bliss, tastes become bland and sight becomes boring. Music no longer reaches into your soul, art no longer inspires or captivates. Everything whithers... Everything fades... Everything dies...

Death is not a physical affect on your body, but an essence of emptiness. When one is gluttonous they lose their attraction to food. When one is a sadist, they lose their hunger for pain. When one is alive, they lose their desire for life.

There is only a void that awaits you as you follow the path to obtain what it is you seek. What you seek is only desirable while you seek it. What you have is only a step on the ladder of the path you follow. The ladder you climb is only a description of who you are. Who you are is only a reaction to the world around you. The reaction to the world around you is a desire to prove you exist. Proving you exist is meant to show you are alive. Showing you are alive is your reason to fight for what you seek. To fight against the inevitable void which we all know we must face some day...

We have given ourselves a reason to exist so that we do not have to continue to search for the truth. We have accepted that we cannot know why we exist, so we built a world of lies and deceit that has existed for so long that we do not know what the real question is anymore. Now we live in a world that exiles those who would ask those questions because we have lied to ourselves and our children for so long that we believe in our own lie. Our solution has become our curse.

"The things you own end up owning you." - Fight Club

What lies will we tell ourselves when our society is dead and gone, and our civilization crumbled? Man is not foolish enough to believe we can defeat nature, yet we fight in the war anyways. Has anyone asked the questions? Does anyone have a plan for the future?

Will this world continue to stagnate as it has for so many years?

December 21, 2012 is the day more than a dozen of the world's most powerful and accurate seers have said will be the end of the human society. You may laugh at such things as idiocy, but then again, I want you to consider this next statement...

Do you possess the fortitude to stay true to your faith? Christians, your Bible states that this will be the day of the second coming. The day of the release of the Four Horsemen, and the end of mankind. Yet, it is the Christians that seem to fight this day's existence more than any other I have met. Is your faith only a simple band-aid for the questions you have no answers for, or do you truly believe in the very teachings you try to force down another's throat?

My faith is not simply a choice I have made to help define myself as a person. My faith is absolute, and cannot be altered. My faith is my own, and so I shall not force it upon others. My faith is all that I see in this world, and all that I believe to be the answers to the questions I have. My faith has told me that on that day, the world shall end. Until proven wrong, I do not question my faith. I await the end of the known world with a smile and open arms. I seek to be shown by the hand of God himself that I was right for believing in what I have. Do you?

After all, we are only trying to escape the void of emptiness known as death because we have no explanation for it that we can prove to be true. By giving ourselves a world of lies, we have killed ourselves already. Without a fear of death, how are we able to know what life is? If we cannot know what life is, then how do we know that our being alive is truly what it means to be alive?